A “letter midwife” helps people navigate feelings for letters they are afraid to write and encourages them to find their words…
Matt Abrahams speaks with Frish Brandt, a letter midwife who has spent more than a decade helping people write the letters they keep putting off. Her new book, Unfinished Business: Writing the Five Essential Letters of Your Life, was published in October 2026 and draws on her teaching at Stanford University's School of Medicine and workshops around the country. Before turning to letters full-time, she spent four decades in the arts. Together, they discuss:
• Early in her practice, a woman living with ALS taught her that a letter serves the writer first, not the reader.
• A gratitude letter for a party can grow from one gift into the impact of the entire gathering.
• A Stanford friend tried an AI draft for a letter to his oldest son, and it did not work for him.
• Five essential messages, two extra-credit ones, and a trick involving your 90-year-old self.
• A letter that starts as a thank you can morph into an apology, or a goodbye, before its last line.
• Her take on deep listening starts with a physical pose that keeps her present when a hard question lands.
Frish's throughline is that a letter is slow, deliberate work whose first reader is the writer, so pick the note you keep postponing and write its opening sentence before tomorrow. Press play and hear how she turns that first line into a whole letter.
About The Guest
Frish Brandt teaches essential letter writing at Stanford University's School of Medicine and to individuals and institutions around the world. She worked in the arts for more than four decades before becoming a full-time letter midwife, and she lives and writes in San Francisco. Her new book is Unfinished Business: Writing the Five Essential Letters of Your Life.
About Matt
Matt Abrahams is a leading communication expert, lecturer in organizational behavior at Stanford GSB, and host of the award-winning Think Fast, Talk Smart podcast. He has coached presenters at TED, the World Economic Forum, and the UN Secretary-General's office, and his online talks have garnered millions of views worldwide. He is the author of Think Faster, Talk Smarter and Speaking Up without Freaking Out, two bestselling guides to confident, spontaneous communication
Key Quotes
• "At the heart of it, every letter is really a love letter because that's really what brings it." - Frish Brandt (03:05)
• "Writing is a verb and you have to do it." - Frish Brandt (14:16)
• "Nothing really happens unless we're present." - Frish Brandt (16:47)
• "But if we just pretend that my 90-year-old self is sending me a letter, I get some wisdoms that just pop up." - Frish Brandt (18:48)
• "Humility is absolutely, I think, an essential ingredient." - Matt Abrahams (21:41)
Chapters
00:00 Introduction
02:15 Five Letters (Plus Extra Credit)
07:12 The Gratitude Drill-Down
08:33 Stuck on Word One
10:24 The Letter You Destroy
12:22 Saying Sorry Without a Fight
15:45 Listening Without a Word
18:02 Matt's 3 Questions
22:05 Conclusion
Relevant Links:
• Frish's Brandt: https://www.fastersmarter.io/guests/frish-brandt/
• Lasting Letters:
https://www.mylastingletters.com/home
• Frish's Book Unfinished Business: https://bookplease.ai/brandt/unfinished-business-writing-the-5-essential-letters-of-your-life?podcast=think-fast-talk-smart
Episode References:
• Ep. 114 - Do You Hear What I Hear? Types of Listening & How to Use Them
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMYHiNfZl7s / https://www.fastersmarter.io/114-communication-means-paying-attention-the-four-pillars-of-active-listening/
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