253. Top 10: The Best Communication Tips from 2025
Our 10 favorite communication insights from 2025.
The most transformative communication insights are the ones we actually remember to use. That’s why host Matt Abrahams is taking stock of his favorite communication tips from this year, so we can carry them into the next.
In this annual Think Fast, Talk Smart tradition, Abrahams shares his top 10 communication insights from guests over the past year, from facilitating connection through Gina Bianchini's "proactive serendipity” to Jenn Wynn’s use of dialogue as a gateway to synergy. Whether you're looking to build trust, boost productivity, or speak more spontaneously, this year’s top 10 insights offer a reminder of all we’ve learned this year — and a roadmap for better communication in the year ahead.
Episode Reference Links:
- Ep.177 Don’t Resolve, Evolve: Top 10 Lessons From 2024
- Ep.120 A Few of Matt’s Favorite Things: 10 Communication Takeaways from 2023's TFTS Episodes
Connect:
- Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart Premium
- Email Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.io
- Episode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart Website
- Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.io
- Think Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube
- Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn
Chapters:
- (00:00) - Introduction
- (02:21) - Facilitation and Productive Serendipity
- (03:56) - Toxic vs. Healthy Productivity
- (06:19) - Dialogue as the Path to Synergy
- (08:51) - How Actions Build Trust
- (10:17) - Communication as an Unselfish Act
- (12:12) - Be Present and Prepare to Be Spontaneous
- (14:17) - Why Memorable Words Matter
- (17:32) - Persuasion and Identity
- (19:21) - Finding Meaning Through Purpose
- (21:16) - Listening to Negative Emotions
- (23:33) - Conclusion
********
Thank you to our sponsors. These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.
Strawberry.me. Get 50% off your first coaching session today at Strawberry.me/smart
00:00 - Introduction
02:21 - Facilitation and Productive Serendipity
03:56 - Toxic vs. Healthy Productivity
06:19 - Dialogue as the Path to Synergy
08:51 - How Actions Build Trust
10:17 - Communication as an Unselfish Act
12:12 - Be Present and Prepare to Be Spontaneous
14:17 - Why Memorable Words Matter
17:32 - Persuasion and Identity
19:21 - Finding Meaning Through Purpose
21:16 - Listening to Negative Emotions
23:33 - Conclusion
00:00:02.850 --> 00:00:06.870
Matt Abrahams: New beginnings allow us the
opportunity to reflect, learn, and grow.
00:00:07.140 --> 00:00:12.000
As we enter 2026, I hope everyone takes
a moment to identify a few actions and
00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:16.920
approaches you learned in 2025 that
you hope to implement in the new year.
00:00:17.700 --> 00:00:20.880
We can all benefit from a
fresh start in the new year.
00:00:21.450 --> 00:00:24.390
My name is Matt Abrahams and I
teach strategic communication at
00:00:24.390 --> 00:00:26.070
Stanford Graduate School of Business.
00:00:26.340 --> 00:00:29.610
Welcome to Think Fast
Talk Smart, the podcast.
00:00:30.480 --> 00:00:32.730
2025 was an exceptional year.
00:00:32.970 --> 00:00:35.100
Here at Think Fast Talk Smart
we expanded the number of
00:00:35.100 --> 00:00:36.690
episodes we release each month.
00:00:36.990 --> 00:00:39.180
We now have video for every episode.
00:00:39.475 --> 00:00:42.805
We have more detailed release notes
and English language learning content
00:00:42.805 --> 00:00:46.615
for each episode, and we started
a robust online learning community
00:00:46.615 --> 00:00:48.415
that keeps growing every day.
00:00:49.045 --> 00:00:53.185
But most importantly, we've had the
opportunity to learn so many important
00:00:53.185 --> 00:00:57.715
and insightful skills to help us hone and
develop our communication and careers.
00:00:58.225 --> 00:01:01.975
Sticking with our annual tradition, I'd
like to share with you ten ideas from
00:01:01.975 --> 00:01:07.075
this past year's episodes that I'm working
on to put into practice in my own life.
00:01:07.515 --> 00:01:11.055
In what follows, i'll share the
guest's name and episode number before
00:01:11.055 --> 00:01:14.535
providing a summary of the concept
and how I'm trying to apply it.
00:01:15.075 --> 00:01:18.135
I'll start with the more recent
episodes and work backwards.
00:01:18.585 --> 00:01:22.125
I hope my strivings ignite some
ideas for you to implement.
00:01:23.505 --> 00:01:26.345
Gina Bianchini, episode 243.
00:01:26.715 --> 00:01:30.495
Facilitation is productive,
proactive serendipity.
00:01:31.095 --> 00:01:35.295
The ability to convene people and guide
them towards important, meaningful goals,
00:01:35.295 --> 00:01:39.885
regardless of if they're personal or
professional, is really challenging.
00:01:40.335 --> 00:01:43.785
I think facilitation is one of the
most challenging communication skills
00:01:43.785 --> 00:01:48.405
because you have to manage so many
things, timing, context, differing
00:01:48.405 --> 00:01:49.905
personalities and approaches.
00:01:50.325 --> 00:01:54.615
At times, I can be overstructured in
the way I run meetings or host events.
00:01:54.975 --> 00:02:00.515
Gina's advice reminds me to plan, to
architect, but not to be too controlling.
00:02:00.994 --> 00:02:03.995
I'm learning to let go and
allow things to happen.
00:02:04.354 --> 00:02:07.835
For my future events, I now plan to
set things in motion by thoughtfully
00:02:07.835 --> 00:02:12.005
planning an agenda, organizing the
environment, and providing some high level
00:02:12.005 --> 00:02:14.085
input, like initial opening questions.
00:02:14.435 --> 00:02:18.930
But then I'm going to try to step back
and let the event unfold organically.
00:02:20.730 --> 00:02:24.540
Gina Bianchini: The social
lubricant that exists to create
00:02:24.540 --> 00:02:29.760
networks of people and communities
of people come from confidence.
00:02:30.150 --> 00:02:35.160
When you feel good, when you feel like
you have something to bring to the picnic.
00:02:35.609 --> 00:02:39.329
And so a facilitator also does
something really important, which
00:02:39.329 --> 00:02:42.524
is, I'm gonna make sure you don't
feel like you're on the spot.
00:02:42.765 --> 00:02:48.915
So in facilitating I'm gonna structure,
I'm gonna guide, I'm going to be
00:02:49.005 --> 00:02:55.394
in charge of the experience that we
are creating here together, so that
00:02:55.755 --> 00:02:57.524
you get results and transformation.
00:02:58.484 --> 00:03:00.644
Matt Abrahams: Muriel
Wilkins, episode 240.
00:03:00.855 --> 00:03:02.535
Toxic productivity.
00:03:02.760 --> 00:03:05.010
Getting things done at any cost.
00:03:05.655 --> 00:03:07.424
I am a really bad sleeper.
00:03:07.695 --> 00:03:08.445
Always have been.
00:03:08.804 --> 00:03:12.734
A lot of it has to do with not being able
to turn off my brain when I try to sleep.
00:03:13.065 --> 00:03:16.095
I'm super driven and I run
my life by a to-do list.
00:03:16.484 --> 00:03:20.144
Muriel helped me realize that my
drive to get things done, what she
00:03:20.144 --> 00:03:24.375
calls toxic productivity, actually
works against me because it drains my
00:03:24.375 --> 00:03:26.595
energy and my productivity decreases.
00:03:27.235 --> 00:03:31.525
My new practice based on my conversation
with her, is to take time every Sunday
00:03:31.525 --> 00:03:35.455
to prioritize what I can accomplish
on a given day for the upcoming week.
00:03:35.935 --> 00:03:38.725
And at the end of each day, instead
of focusing on all the things
00:03:38.725 --> 00:03:42.775
I did not get done, I try to
celebrate the things I did complete.
00:03:43.225 --> 00:03:44.995
I feel more energized and focused.
00:03:45.415 --> 00:03:48.500
Although I'm still not sleeping
super well, I am feeling better.
00:03:49.230 --> 00:03:50.820
More work to be done on the sleep.
00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:54.720
Muriel Wilkins: There is healthy
productivity and toxic productivity.
00:03:54.720 --> 00:03:59.640
Toxic productivity is getting things
done at any cost, and it is universally
00:03:59.640 --> 00:04:04.740
applied across anything that has the
notion of needing to be completed.
00:04:05.040 --> 00:04:08.940
And by the way, the toxic
productivity is really driven by
00:04:08.940 --> 00:04:11.105
a mindset of, I need it done now.
00:04:11.745 --> 00:04:16.875
There's a sense of urgency in everything
and everything needs to be done.
00:04:17.084 --> 00:04:21.015
While healthy productivity is
more about doing things and
00:04:21.015 --> 00:04:22.815
focusing on things that matter.
00:04:23.115 --> 00:04:27.224
So beyond that, you have to understand
then what is it that matters, right?
00:04:27.224 --> 00:04:31.725
There's a certain level of prioritization
that needs to happen, and the belief that
00:04:31.725 --> 00:04:37.390
will drive the healthy productivity is
more around something like, I'll do the
00:04:37.390 --> 00:04:40.299
best that I can with the time that I have.
00:04:40.599 --> 00:04:44.919
So what I love about that is that
it takes into account that we have
00:04:44.919 --> 00:04:46.900
constraints, whether we like it or not.
00:04:47.080 --> 00:04:48.250
We have guardrails.
00:04:48.490 --> 00:04:51.580
And the guardrails are what
is the best that I can do?
00:04:51.580 --> 00:04:55.810
Meaning what is within my capabilities,
or my team's capabilities, or the
00:04:55.810 --> 00:04:59.569
organization's capabilities, and
what is the time limit that I have?
00:04:59.909 --> 00:05:02.705
And then, what's doable
within that timeframe?
00:05:03.005 --> 00:05:07.775
And there is a cost to both toxic
and an opportunity with healthy
00:05:08.015 --> 00:05:11.675
that we can see happen within
organizations, but also on ourselves.
00:05:11.675 --> 00:05:14.315
So most people don't really
discern between the two.
00:05:14.315 --> 00:05:18.185
They just think about being productive
rather than shifting their mindset
00:05:18.185 --> 00:05:20.975
so that they can have one type
of productivity versus the other.
00:05:21.895 --> 00:05:24.265
Matt Abrahams: Jenn Wynn, episode 222.
00:05:24.615 --> 00:05:27.165
Synergy is on the other side of dialogue.
00:05:27.555 --> 00:05:30.885
I really appreciated Jenn's
advice on difficult conversations.
00:05:31.215 --> 00:05:34.605
I find that my initial instinct in
many conflictual situations is to
00:05:34.605 --> 00:05:37.005
retreat, or the opposite, jump right in.
00:05:37.395 --> 00:05:41.685
The reality is that I need to engage
the other person as a partner to explore
00:05:41.685 --> 00:05:43.425
and problem solve the issue at hand.
00:05:43.905 --> 00:05:46.425
It's about the conversation, the dialogue.
00:05:46.845 --> 00:05:49.875
When I approach a challenging
conversation, I now try to start by
00:05:49.875 --> 00:05:53.475
asking an open-ended question that
demonstrates I want to understand the
00:05:53.475 --> 00:05:55.485
other person's perspective and situation.
00:05:55.875 --> 00:05:59.085
I next try to paraphrase to show
I appreciate what they said.
00:05:59.445 --> 00:06:03.045
I remind myself that understanding
and appreciation do not mean I
00:06:03.045 --> 00:06:07.065
agree, but they do open the door
for collaborating and connecting.
00:06:08.515 --> 00:06:12.445
Jenn Wynn: So sometimes the issue is
not listening enough and sometimes
00:06:12.445 --> 00:06:15.535
it's not showing that we are listening.
00:06:15.685 --> 00:06:17.485
So those are two distinct skill sets.
00:06:17.605 --> 00:06:20.935
At the end of the day, I think about
dialogue as the free flow of meaning.
00:06:21.175 --> 00:06:25.795
And so if I've done it well,
effective dialogue grows the shared
00:06:25.795 --> 00:06:27.565
pool of understanding between us.
00:06:27.989 --> 00:06:31.560
I understand how you made meaning
of a situation, and you understand
00:06:31.560 --> 00:06:33.299
how I made meaning of a situation.
00:06:33.840 --> 00:06:36.570
So that means that I've gotta inquire.
00:06:36.630 --> 00:06:40.289
I've gotta ask enough questions to
understand how you experienced that,
00:06:40.469 --> 00:06:43.710
that client meeting, that argument
my husband and I may have had.
00:06:44.039 --> 00:06:48.719
And then once I've listened,
internalized, the meaning you
00:06:48.719 --> 00:06:52.590
made, I've gotta paraphrase it back
as a check for my understanding.
00:06:53.070 --> 00:06:57.555
A real humble attempt to say, this
is my summary of what I think you
00:06:57.555 --> 00:06:59.414
experienced, but is that right?
00:06:59.925 --> 00:07:00.945
Fix what I'm missing?
00:07:00.945 --> 00:07:02.925
Is it half right and
I miss the other half?
00:07:03.284 --> 00:07:07.935
And once we can paraphrase, this is
a skill that, honestly, I think it's
00:07:07.935 --> 00:07:10.815
like punching above its weight, right?
00:07:10.815 --> 00:07:14.354
After I've taken all this time to really
ask these open, thoughtful questions,
00:07:14.354 --> 00:07:19.905
get curious, understand your perspective,
make sure you show the person that
00:07:19.905 --> 00:07:21.914
you are internalizing what they said.
00:07:21.914 --> 00:07:24.615
And like you said, it's not
agreeing, it's just acknowledging.
00:07:24.705 --> 00:07:28.995
And when they finally say yes,
that's it, then you've grown the
00:07:28.995 --> 00:07:31.484
shared pool of understanding,
at least from their perspective.
00:07:31.515 --> 00:07:35.294
And then you can go share yours, and
that's where you move into advocacy.
00:07:35.294 --> 00:07:38.325
But at the end of the day, the
balance you're looking for is
00:07:38.385 --> 00:07:41.370
inquiry, paraphrasing, and advocacy.
00:07:41.730 --> 00:07:44.550
And inquiry and paraphrasing
are listening skills.
00:07:44.760 --> 00:07:48.120
Both to understand what the other
person experienced and confirm
00:07:48.120 --> 00:07:51.930
with them that my understanding
was correct of their experience.
00:07:53.040 --> 00:07:55.780
Matt Abrahams: Richard
Edelman, episode 215.
00:07:56.160 --> 00:07:57.660
Actions build trust.
00:07:57.870 --> 00:08:00.570
If you don't do something,
you can't talk about it.
00:08:01.050 --> 00:08:03.925
Trust is fundamental to all of
our relationships and wellbeing.
00:08:04.545 --> 00:08:08.445
Last year, one of my top ten actions
came from Jamil Zaki to trust
00:08:08.445 --> 00:08:12.285
loudly by speaking out my trust
in people, like saying, I trust
00:08:12.285 --> 00:08:13.845
you to act on what we discussed.
00:08:14.235 --> 00:08:17.685
Richard builds on this by
reminding us that we do trust,
00:08:17.865 --> 00:08:19.185
we don't just talk about it.
00:08:19.725 --> 00:08:21.975
I'm trying to implement
this advice in two ways.
00:08:22.305 --> 00:08:25.665
I now thank people when they put
trust in me, and I follow up and
00:08:25.665 --> 00:08:27.585
share what I've done as a result.
00:08:27.914 --> 00:08:30.555
For example, a colleague of
mine recently asked me to teach
00:08:30.555 --> 00:08:32.085
a class they needed to miss.
00:08:32.564 --> 00:08:35.625
I thank them for trusting me to
cover their content, and after I
00:08:35.625 --> 00:08:38.804
taught the class, I sent an email
detailing what I had done and
00:08:38.804 --> 00:08:40.424
how the students had responded.
00:08:41.534 --> 00:08:44.054
Richard Edelman: I think
action builds trust.
00:08:44.355 --> 00:08:47.235
If you don't do something,
you can't talk about it.
00:08:47.865 --> 00:08:54.375
The second is to speak broadly,
meaning talk to your employees first
00:08:54.895 --> 00:08:56.635
and then talk to other stakeholders.
00:08:56.655 --> 00:08:57.584
So inside out.
00:08:58.155 --> 00:09:02.805
And then the third is as there's been
dispersion of authority, you have to
00:09:02.805 --> 00:09:05.745
talk, but then the employees have to talk.
00:09:05.745 --> 00:09:12.454
It has to be a cadence, and there
has to be a broad inclusion of
00:09:12.454 --> 00:09:17.890
forms of media, again, from creators
to podcasters to mainstream.
00:09:19.380 --> 00:09:21.980
Matt Abrahams: Alex
Rodriguez, episode 201.
00:09:22.290 --> 00:09:24.990
Communication is an unselfish act.
00:09:25.380 --> 00:09:28.980
ARod clearly summarizes one of
the most frequently cited bits of
00:09:28.980 --> 00:09:30.570
advice we have heard on the show.
00:09:31.080 --> 00:09:32.910
Communication is not about you.
00:09:33.240 --> 00:09:34.440
It's about your audience.
00:09:34.770 --> 00:09:37.165
It's not about what you
want, but what others need.
00:09:38.130 --> 00:09:41.460
The reality is that all of us suffer
from the curse of knowledge and the
00:09:41.460 --> 00:09:45.810
curse of passion, which leads us to make
assumptions, go too deep, use jargon.
00:09:46.260 --> 00:09:49.110
The only antidote to the
curse of knowledge and passion
00:09:49.200 --> 00:09:51.270
is empathy and curiosity.
00:09:51.660 --> 00:09:54.030
You need to be curious enough
to think about what is important
00:09:54.030 --> 00:09:56.730
to your audience and empathetic
enough to do something about it.
00:09:57.210 --> 00:10:01.680
Whenever I write, teach, or present, I
now try to ask myself four questions that
00:10:01.680 --> 00:10:03.810
help me tailor my messages to my audience.
00:10:04.290 --> 00:10:07.380
First, I'll ask, what is their
knowledge level on my topic?
00:10:07.950 --> 00:10:09.600
What are their attitudes on the topic?
00:10:10.140 --> 00:10:13.890
Third, what are their areas of
resistance, hesitation, and concern?
00:10:14.219 --> 00:10:18.689
And finally, what motivates them and how
can they benefit from what I'm saying?
00:10:20.040 --> 00:10:23.250
Alex Rodriguez: I think someone that I
would say has their ten thousand hours
00:10:23.250 --> 00:10:24.689
and whatever they're talking about, right?
00:10:24.689 --> 00:10:26.880
Because you, you can't
replace credibility.
00:10:27.150 --> 00:10:32.850
Someone who can speak passionately
and clearly and don't speak in too
00:10:32.850 --> 00:10:34.860
many jargons and too many acronyms.
00:10:34.860 --> 00:10:37.380
Like really give it to me
like as simple as possible.
00:10:37.734 --> 00:10:40.944
And someone who can actually
lead me to my next question.
00:10:41.214 --> 00:10:43.285
So there's a little bit of a revolver.
00:10:43.584 --> 00:10:45.204
Monologues are never fun.
00:10:45.535 --> 00:10:47.305
Uh, I much more have a dialogue.
00:10:47.694 --> 00:10:50.305
It's more dynamic, it's more
commercial, it's more sellable,
00:10:50.305 --> 00:10:51.444
it's better for television.
00:10:51.895 --> 00:10:54.385
Keeping it tight I also
think it's really important.
00:10:54.750 --> 00:10:58.050
I think a lot of communicators sometimes
think about, what do I have to do to
00:10:58.050 --> 00:11:00.030
be a great communicator to sound smart?
00:11:00.330 --> 00:11:02.550
I think you should be
asking, who am I talking to?
00:11:02.820 --> 00:11:06.750
Who am I communicating with and what
nuggets and value can I bring them?
00:11:06.870 --> 00:11:08.340
Because it's really about them.
00:11:08.400 --> 00:11:13.260
It's an unselfish act, it's not a
selfish act, and that's a big difference.
00:11:14.070 --> 00:11:16.350
Matt Abrahams: Spontaneous
speaking miniseries, episodes
00:11:16.350 --> 00:11:19.910
197, 198, 1 99, and 203.
00:11:20.370 --> 00:11:23.010
Be present and prepare to be spontaneous.
00:11:23.835 --> 00:11:27.314
I really enjoyed our four episode
miniseries on spontaneous speaking.
00:11:27.645 --> 00:11:32.625
We all got valuable advice from six guest
coaches like Peter Sagal and Chris Voss.
00:11:33.015 --> 00:11:36.225
They taught us specific ways to
be in the moment and to respond
00:11:36.225 --> 00:11:37.574
calmly to what is needed.
00:11:38.055 --> 00:11:41.625
The two things I'm working on the
most from these episodes is to listen
00:11:41.625 --> 00:11:44.355
deeply and practice being spontaneous.
00:11:44.855 --> 00:11:47.345
I find this most helpful
when I'm answering questions
00:11:47.345 --> 00:11:48.665
during a Q and A session.
00:11:49.145 --> 00:11:53.045
In the past, once I got the gist of
what somebody was asking, I would simply
00:11:53.045 --> 00:11:57.035
start thinking of my answer, essentially
disconnecting and going inside my head.
00:11:57.605 --> 00:12:01.475
Now I really try to listen thoroughly
and either paraphrase the question
00:12:01.535 --> 00:12:03.064
or ask a follow-up question.
00:12:03.855 --> 00:12:07.755
Both paraphrasing and asking a question
require deep present listening.
00:12:08.295 --> 00:12:11.685
Additionally, to practice being
spontaneous, I'll often work with
00:12:11.685 --> 00:12:16.605
an AI tool like ChatGPT or Gemini to
generate potential questions for me.
00:12:17.084 --> 00:12:20.535
I feel like an athlete doing practice
drills, so when I'm in the game
00:12:20.535 --> 00:12:24.525
of Q and A, I can be agile and
prepared for whatever comes my way.
00:12:25.725 --> 00:12:28.755
Chris Voss: It's just practice,
it's preparation, it's putting
00:12:28.755 --> 00:12:30.375
in the hours ahead of time.
00:12:30.675 --> 00:12:33.834
Anything that looks easy,
that somebody makes look easy,
00:12:33.834 --> 00:12:34.975
they put a lot of time in.
00:12:35.545 --> 00:12:41.275
And so like any skill, you break
it down into small pieces and you
00:12:41.334 --> 00:12:45.715
practice it live, and then you practice
it in small stakes interactions.
00:12:45.895 --> 00:12:49.915
As a hostage negotiator, I had enough
confidence in a process and I'm like,
00:12:49.915 --> 00:12:52.675
all right, I don't know sure how
this is gonna come out, but the best
00:12:52.675 --> 00:12:55.074
outcome is by just follow the process.
00:12:55.105 --> 00:12:57.025
This is the best chance of success.
00:12:58.135 --> 00:12:59.005
Peter Sagal: You have to be present.
00:12:59.005 --> 00:13:03.915
I think that is the key to anything
like what I do for a living, is
00:13:03.915 --> 00:13:08.444
to constantly work on, as Ram
Dass told us, being here, now.
00:13:08.655 --> 00:13:12.735
And being attuned to what's happening,
being attuned to the possibilities
00:13:12.915 --> 00:13:16.425
of what the future may hold,
where this could go, steering it
00:13:16.665 --> 00:13:18.285
toward the choice that you prefer.
00:13:19.844 --> 00:13:22.275
Matt Abrahams: Ada Aka, episode 191.
00:13:22.454 --> 00:13:26.714
Memorable words are concrete,
emotional, and informal.
00:13:27.255 --> 00:13:27.975
Words matter.
00:13:28.395 --> 00:13:31.005
There are many ways to say
things, but Ada shared with us
00:13:31.005 --> 00:13:32.834
certain words are more memorable.
00:13:33.225 --> 00:13:36.525
I now spend more time thinking about
my word choice in my interpersonal
00:13:36.525 --> 00:13:38.805
communication and my social media.
00:13:39.165 --> 00:13:41.535
In fact, I'll let you
in behind the scenes.
00:13:41.954 --> 00:13:45.285
Every Friday, the Think Fast Talk
Smart team comes together and names
00:13:45.285 --> 00:13:48.704
our episodes, and we determine
the two or three words that will
00:13:48.704 --> 00:13:50.655
appear on each episode's show art.
00:13:51.089 --> 00:13:53.819
It's a fun game and I look
forward to playing it every week.
00:13:54.329 --> 00:13:57.420
We always take into account
Ada's guidance to use concrete,
00:13:57.689 --> 00:13:59.550
emotional, and informal wording.
00:13:59.880 --> 00:14:03.089
Next time you listen to an episode,
take a look at the title and show art.
00:14:03.495 --> 00:14:04.125
How'd we do?
00:14:04.455 --> 00:14:05.145
Was it memorable?
00:14:06.405 --> 00:14:10.064
Ada Aka: What you can do is, at the
end of everything, average all of these
00:14:10.064 --> 00:14:14.505
probabilities to say, what are the words
that stick in people's minds over time?
00:14:14.775 --> 00:14:17.925
And then that's the point that
I think is quite fascinating.
00:14:17.925 --> 00:14:22.175
Certain words are intrinsically more
memorable than others beyond where
00:14:22.175 --> 00:14:26.944
they were presented, what they were
next to, or who the person was even.
00:14:27.334 --> 00:14:30.365
And those types of things I think we
can look at two different buckets.
00:14:30.395 --> 00:14:34.175
What we call psycholinguistic
variables that relate to language
00:14:34.175 --> 00:14:37.775
related properties of the words,
things like concreteness, a word like
00:14:37.775 --> 00:14:39.635
mountain is gonna be more memorable.
00:14:39.814 --> 00:14:42.855
Of course, emotions matter
quite a bit as well, both in
00:14:42.855 --> 00:14:44.935
terms of valence and arousal.
00:14:45.485 --> 00:14:49.115
And then contextual diversity was
another variable that stood out.
00:14:49.115 --> 00:14:53.585
So how many different contexts things
appear relate to how much you're
00:14:53.585 --> 00:14:55.355
gonna remember those words later on.
00:14:55.655 --> 00:15:00.275
Informal language also stood out as being
some of the words that tend to be more
00:15:00.275 --> 00:15:04.985
memorable, so if your context allows
for it, I would also say incorporating,
00:15:04.985 --> 00:15:08.645
scattering some of these informal language
words like oops, for example, might
00:15:08.645 --> 00:15:13.185
be relevant in terms of catching your
attention and later making you remember,
00:15:13.204 --> 00:15:16.655
not just that word, but that's what's
around that particular word as well.
00:15:17.314 --> 00:15:19.855
Matt Abrahams: Matt
Lieberman, episode 188.
00:15:20.314 --> 00:15:23.795
When someone hears a persuasive
message, they try on a new identity
00:15:23.795 --> 00:15:26.745
and decide if they want to be
like that kind of person or not.
00:15:27.479 --> 00:15:30.930
Matt's idea profoundly affected
how I think about persuasion.
00:15:31.439 --> 00:15:35.280
Much of my persuasion simply provides
all the reasons somebody should change
00:15:35.280 --> 00:15:36.750
in line with what I want them to do.
00:15:37.170 --> 00:15:39.599
I tell my students to study
so they'll get good grades.
00:15:39.599 --> 00:15:42.000
I tell my kids to get sleep
so they'll be healthy.
00:15:42.480 --> 00:15:46.020
But Matt's suggestion implies that
persuasion can be more effective
00:15:46.230 --> 00:15:49.320
if we invite the people we're
trying to persuade to imagine
00:15:49.320 --> 00:15:51.660
themselves having made the change.
00:15:52.050 --> 00:15:55.590
In effect, invite them to try
on or consider themselves doing
00:15:55.590 --> 00:15:58.335
the action or taking on the
attitude we want them to have.
00:15:59.345 --> 00:16:02.765
Well, I haven't abandoned my old ways
of just layering on reasons to do
00:16:02.765 --> 00:16:06.515
what I want people to do, I now tell
more stories that paint the picture
00:16:06.515 --> 00:16:08.405
of what could be for the person.
00:16:08.855 --> 00:16:12.845
I use phrases like, what if you could,
or imagine what it would be like if?
00:16:14.375 --> 00:16:18.035
Matt Lieberman: Part of what is happening
when someone is delivering a persuasive
00:16:18.035 --> 00:16:23.740
message is that at some level you're
trying on a new identity, you can either
00:16:23.800 --> 00:16:27.430
choose to adopt that identity 'cause
you're like, I'd like to be that person.
00:16:27.430 --> 00:16:32.350
I'd like to be the person who smokes
less, who gets more steps in every day.
00:16:32.350 --> 00:16:34.900
Like, that's an identity
I would like to embrace.
00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:38.680
Or it's an identity where you're
like, yeah, I can't see that being me.
00:16:38.740 --> 00:16:41.020
And then that's part of rejecting things.
00:16:41.320 --> 00:16:46.845
And so I think part of what our
self exists for is to allow for the
00:16:46.845 --> 00:16:49.155
influence of the social world around us.
00:16:49.155 --> 00:16:53.805
In the West we tend to think our identity
keeps the world from getting in and
00:16:53.805 --> 00:16:55.695
making us do things we don't want to do.
00:16:56.115 --> 00:16:59.925
But I think it's a conduit for getting
in the world's norms into your head
00:16:59.925 --> 00:17:03.645
when you're young, and then occasionally
updating those when you're like,
00:17:03.645 --> 00:17:05.655
that's an identity I could try on.
00:17:06.735 --> 00:17:09.275
Matt Abrahams: Arthur Brooks, episode 181.
00:17:09.795 --> 00:17:14.595
Meaning in life has three parts,
coherence, purpose, and significance.
00:17:15.165 --> 00:17:17.954
These days, I find myself being
more thoughtful about how I spend
00:17:17.954 --> 00:17:19.754
my time and with whom I spend it.
00:17:20.204 --> 00:17:23.444
Maybe it's because I'm getting older
and hopefully wiser, but I want my
00:17:23.444 --> 00:17:25.095
actions and time to have meaning.
00:17:25.724 --> 00:17:28.845
Arthur's articulation of the three
components of what makes for a
00:17:28.845 --> 00:17:30.345
meaningful life has been very helpful.
00:17:31.295 --> 00:17:33.965
I've turned them into a
decision making tool of sorts.
00:17:34.385 --> 00:17:37.805
When a new opportunity arises, I
ask myself how it aligns with my
00:17:37.805 --> 00:17:39.665
vision for what I want to focus on.
00:17:40.175 --> 00:17:42.155
What am I passionate about in the task?
00:17:42.485 --> 00:17:44.795
And I ask, does it really matter to me?
00:17:45.905 --> 00:17:48.575
Arthur Brooks: So you know, what's the
meaning of life is too big a question.
00:17:48.665 --> 00:17:51.725
When you break it up into smaller
questions, however, it's something you
00:17:51.725 --> 00:17:53.555
really can pursue pretty effectively.
00:17:53.615 --> 00:17:56.285
Meaning has three parts for people.
00:17:56.615 --> 00:17:58.115
The first is called coherence.
00:17:58.435 --> 00:18:01.554
And that's the question, why do
things happen the way that they do?
00:18:01.554 --> 00:18:03.715
You need to have a belief
about why things happen.
00:18:03.985 --> 00:18:05.215
The second is purpose.
00:18:05.215 --> 00:18:06.715
Purpose and meaning
are not the same thing.
00:18:06.715 --> 00:18:11.115
Purpose is goals and direction,
the direction in which your life is
00:18:11.115 --> 00:18:13.545
going for what particular reason.
00:18:13.545 --> 00:18:16.185
And last, but not least, is significance.
00:18:16.185 --> 00:18:17.805
Why does it matter that I'm alive?
00:18:17.985 --> 00:18:19.635
Would it matter if I weren't alive?
00:18:19.695 --> 00:18:21.555
You need answers to that
particular question.
00:18:21.765 --> 00:18:24.705
So I get at it with a kind
of a two question quiz.
00:18:24.705 --> 00:18:27.225
You can kind of collapse that into
two question quiz that I give my
00:18:27.225 --> 00:18:29.645
students, and by the way, that
I give my adult children too.
00:18:29.955 --> 00:18:34.565
The key to finding meaning is to go in
search of the answers to two questions.
00:18:34.605 --> 00:18:36.035
Why am I alive?
00:18:36.405 --> 00:18:38.429
And for what would I be willing to die?
00:18:38.909 --> 00:18:41.040
And that's important because
the first question is, who
00:18:41.040 --> 00:18:42.659
created me or for what reason?
00:18:42.659 --> 00:18:43.169
Or both?
00:18:43.709 --> 00:18:44.730
You need a theory about that.
00:18:44.730 --> 00:18:46.110
You need a belief about that.
00:18:46.110 --> 00:18:48.720
You need something that you're
willing to stake a claim on it.
00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:52.980
And second is, what would you go to your
grave with a smile on your face for?
00:18:53.010 --> 00:18:54.300
What would you give your life for?
00:18:54.300 --> 00:18:57.720
And if the answer is nothing or I
don't know, you just flunked the quiz.
00:18:57.899 --> 00:19:00.360
But that's good news because
now you know to go in search of.
00:19:01.495 --> 00:19:03.985
Matt Abrahams: Laurie Santos, episode 179.
00:19:04.274 --> 00:19:07.695
Negative emotions are like the engine
light on your dashboard of your car.
00:19:07.965 --> 00:19:10.845
If you don't deal with them
now, worse things will happen.
00:19:11.504 --> 00:19:14.985
It's so easy for me to distract myself
from the negative emotions I feel.
00:19:15.435 --> 00:19:17.564
Laurie's advice is to tackle them head on.
00:19:17.895 --> 00:19:20.955
She reminds us that one way to be
happy is to do things that make us
00:19:20.955 --> 00:19:24.945
happy, but the other way is to reduce
the things that make us unhappy.
00:19:25.305 --> 00:19:26.475
We need to do both.
00:19:26.955 --> 00:19:30.465
Ever since having a conversation with
her, I try a three step approach.
00:19:30.735 --> 00:19:34.215
When I feel a negative emotion,
being upset, frustrated, jealous,
00:19:34.575 --> 00:19:36.105
first I sit with the emotion.
00:19:36.555 --> 00:19:39.885
This is hard for me, but I try
to feel it and understand it.
00:19:40.455 --> 00:19:42.555
Second, I give myself a little grace.
00:19:42.825 --> 00:19:43.785
This is also hard.
00:19:44.325 --> 00:19:48.695
I say it makes sense to feel this
emotion because, and third, I
00:19:48.695 --> 00:19:51.405
come up with an action plan to
address the negative feeling.
00:19:51.705 --> 00:19:54.014
Sometimes it's as simple
as journaling about it.
00:19:54.165 --> 00:19:56.565
Other times it's having a
challenging conversation.
00:19:57.044 --> 00:20:00.855
But I have found this not only makes me
feel better, but it makes it easier the
00:20:00.855 --> 00:20:02.895
next time I feel that negative emotion.
00:20:04.425 --> 00:20:06.750
Laurie Santos: I work with college
students where, just culturally right
00:20:06.750 --> 00:20:10.125
now, we have these conversations
about good vibes only, and you know,
00:20:10.125 --> 00:20:13.815
you experience any frustration or
like mild sadness or fear before a
00:20:13.815 --> 00:20:17.115
test and you're like I have to get
clinically evaluated, something's wrong.
00:20:17.445 --> 00:20:21.405
And so I think yes, it is important
that we have negative emotions, like
00:20:21.405 --> 00:20:25.155
an appropriate good life with lots
of goals and values is gonna have
00:20:25.155 --> 00:20:28.515
some negative emotions, and they're
there to do something that's really
00:20:28.515 --> 00:20:32.235
evolutionarily important, which is
that they signal how we should behave.
00:20:32.565 --> 00:20:36.315
We know evolutionarily we have these
bodily sensations that don't feel good,
00:20:36.315 --> 00:20:37.860
but that they're really important, right?
00:20:37.860 --> 00:20:41.939
You put your hand on a hot stove, you know
that's gonna be painful, but it's the pain
00:20:41.939 --> 00:20:43.469
that's telling you to do something, right?
00:20:43.469 --> 00:20:45.209
It's telling you, hey, move your hand.
00:20:45.629 --> 00:20:47.850
And I like to think of negative
emotions the same way, right?
00:20:47.850 --> 00:20:50.790
If you're feeling sad or feeling
lonely, that means you might need to
00:20:50.790 --> 00:20:54.389
make changes in your life that kind of
deal with that loneliness or sadness.
00:20:54.449 --> 00:20:57.370
If you're feeling angry, that's
often a sense that there's some
00:20:57.429 --> 00:20:59.979
sense of justice that's being
violated that you need to fix.
00:21:00.250 --> 00:21:03.669
A big one if you're feeling overwhelmed,
right, that's an honest signal that you
00:21:03.669 --> 00:21:05.139
need to take something off your plate.
00:21:05.139 --> 00:21:08.590
And so I think of negative emotions
as kind of like the, the engine
00:21:08.590 --> 00:21:10.540
light on our dashboard in our cars.
00:21:10.540 --> 00:21:13.600
It's sort of a pain in the butt, but
if you don't deal with that, then, you
00:21:13.600 --> 00:21:15.909
know, worse things are gonna happen
later when you're on the highway.
00:21:15.909 --> 00:21:17.800
And negative emotions work the same way.
00:21:18.930 --> 00:21:19.710
Matt Abrahams: Well, there you have it.
00:21:19.890 --> 00:21:23.520
The ten concepts I'm actively
working on in 2026 to hone and
00:21:23.520 --> 00:21:25.350
develop my communication and career.
00:21:25.770 --> 00:21:28.560
I hope my list has inspired you
to create a list for yourself.
00:21:29.160 --> 00:21:32.520
What Think Fast Talk Smart tips and
tools will you work on this year?
00:21:33.105 --> 00:21:34.665
Remember, you're not alone in this effort.
00:21:34.995 --> 00:21:37.545
We have lots of great episodes
and activities coming up
00:21:37.545 --> 00:21:38.805
this year to help you.
00:21:39.255 --> 00:21:41.955
And please consider joining our
Think Fast Talk Smart Learning
00:21:41.955 --> 00:21:45.585
Community to collaborate and learn
from listeners like you around the
00:21:45.585 --> 00:21:48.895
globe at fastersmarter.io/learning.
00:21:51.375 --> 00:21:53.985
Thank you for joining us
for another episode of Think
00:21:53.985 --> 00:21:55.605
Fast Talk Smart, the podcast.
00:21:56.095 --> 00:22:01.735
To learn my list of topics from 2025,
please listen to episode 177 and the list
00:22:01.735 --> 00:22:05.265
from 2024 can be found in episode 120.
00:22:05.815 --> 00:22:11.034
This episode was produced by Katherine
Reed, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams.
00:22:11.245 --> 00:22:13.134
With thanks to Podium Podcast Company.
00:22:13.465 --> 00:22:16.584
Please find us on YouTube and
wherever you get your podcasts.
00:22:16.834 --> 00:22:18.634
Be sure to subscribe and rate us.
00:22:18.814 --> 00:22:21.274
Follow us on LinkedIn,
TikTok, and Instagram.
00:22:21.604 --> 00:22:25.174
And check out fastersmarter.io for
resources like English language
00:22:25.174 --> 00:22:27.004
learning content and our newsletter.
00:22:27.394 --> 00:22:32.614
For ad free content, you can subscribe
on Apple or at fastersmarter.io/premium.
00:22:33.124 --> 00:22:35.944
Finally, consider joining our
global learning community at
00:22:35.944 --> 00:22:38.644
fastersmarter.io/learning.