247. “Matt”er of Fact: Coaching on Feedback and Q&A

[00:00:00] Matt Abrahams: At some point in our lives, most of us have benefited from the advice and guidance from a coach. Today we're going to hear from two coaches I know quite well. My name is Matt Abrahams, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business. Welcome to this special Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast Talk Smart the podcast. This episode is very different than any we have ever done. You'll have an opportunity to learn from three versions of me, and afterward you'll be able to do the same. But before we get to that, on December 1st, we're opening up our Think Fast Talk Smart online learning community designed to help people around the world sharpen communication skills in a personalized, collaborative way. Our subscription-based learning community is open to anyone and includes incredibly useful tools and features like asynchronous learning lessons, interactive learning plans, and quests, book clubs, and not one, but two AI coaching tools. Like many of you, we at Think Fast Talk Smart have been experimenting with AI and I'm thrilled to share the results.

[00:01:09] With the help of some very talented developers we've co-created two AI tools. One is a digital twin created by sounding board that has been trained on my writings and coaching practice. We'll call him Coach Matt. You can have a vocal conversation with him and he sounds just like me. It's like having a phone call with me to get the advice you want. The other AI tool is a text-based chat bot that has been trained on all of our Think Fast Talk Smart episodes. We call it Chat Mattt. You just type in your queries and Chat Matt types back answers for you. I'm super excited about these tools and I thought it would be fun to share them with you so you can learn from them and see how useful they can be to you. So in this episode, I'm going to have a conversation with Coach Matt to get coaching on how best to interact with Chat Matt. I'll then follow Coach Matt's advice when I interact with Chat Matt. Okay. That is the longest setup I have done for any interview. Let's get started with my conversation with Coach Matt.

[00:02:10] Welcome, Coach Matt. I look forward to our conversation and learning from you. 

[00:02:14] Coach Matt: Hi Matt. Welcome back. I'm excited to work with you again. What's one speaking moment you are preparing for today? 

[00:02:20] Matt Abrahams: So Coach Matt, I need your advice and guidance. I'm interviewing a text-based chat bot I help create that has been trained on all of our Think Fast Talk Smart, the podcast, episodes. I'm a bit nervous for my conversation because I'm not sure how it will go. How can I feel more confident? 

[00:02:37] Coach Matt: Alright, let's think about this for a sec. That's fascinating. You're essentially interviewing your own creation. I can hear both excitement and some uncertainty in your voice. You've built something impressive, but now you're stepping into uncharted territory to see how it performs. Let me ask you this. When you think about sitting down with this chat bot, what specifically has you feeling nervous? Is it more about whether the technology will work as expected, or are you worried about how you'll come across during the conversation, or something else entirely? I'm curious because understanding the root of that nervousness will help us figure out the best way to get you feeling confident and ready.

[00:03:12] Matt Abrahams: So I think I'm nervous both about the technology working or not, and I'm, I'm a little nervous to, to see what the results are. Are they gonna be accurate? Are they gonna be what I think they should be?

[00:03:23] Coach Matt: Got it. I hear you. So you've got this dual anxiety, the tech performance piece, and then the bigger question of whether your creation actually reflects what you hoped it would. Here's what I'm thinking. You're dealing with what I call future-focused anxiety. You're worried about outcomes you can't control right now. The technology might hiccup, the responses might surprise you, and that's actually pretty normal when you're testing something new. Let me offer you a reframe that might help. Instead of thinking of this as a high stakes test where everything needs to be perfect, what if you approached it more like a curious conversation with a colleague? You're not evaluating whether you're a good creator. You're simply exploring what this tool can do. Before we dive into some specific techniques, tell me, when you imagine the conversation going well, what does that look like to you? What would make you feel like, yes, this worked? 

[00:04:10] Matt Abrahams: I love the idea of the reframe. I, I think success for me is that I get results that are actionable. That make sense, and I think would benefit everybody.

[00:04:18] Coach Matt: Hmm. Okay. I love that. You're focused on value and impact. That's exactly where your energy should be. That tells me you're approaching this from the right place. Here's a quick confidence tool I want you to try. Since you're worried about both the tech and the results, let's use what I call productive preparation. Instead of trying to predict what might go wrong, spend a few minutes thinking through what you'll do if things go really well. Picture yourself getting those actionable, sensible results that could help everyone.

[00:04:44] This does two things. It gets your brain focused on success rather than failure, and it actually prepares you to make the most of good moments when they happen. Also, remember, you know this content better than almost anyone. You've been living and breathing Think Fast Talk Smart. Trust that knowledge. The chat bot learned from you. So in many ways, you're the expert in the room. What do you think? Does that reframe feel helpful or is there another angle of this nervousness we should tackle? 

[00:05:10] Matt Abrahams: That reframe is really helpful. Focus on what can happen that's positive and really put my energy there. Let's say Chat Matt does not perform as well as I wanted it to. I'll have to give constructive feedback to the people who developed it. I want to give direct feedback, but I don't wanna offend them or hurt their feelings. How should I approach that situation if it comes up?

[00:05:29] Coach Matt: You, you're being really thoughtful about this and that care for the developer's feelings actually shows great leadership. Let me give you a structure that can help you be both direct and respectful. It's called what, so what, now what? And it's perfect for giving constructive feedback without creating defensiveness. Here's how it works. Start with the what. Describe what you observed without judgment. Then the so what, explain why it matters to the bigger picture.

[00:05:54] Finally, now what, suggest a path forward that feels collaborative. For example, what? I noticed the chatbot struggled with some nuanced questions about handling anxiety. So what? Since that's such a core part of our content, we wanna make sure people get reliable guidance there. Now what? I'd love to work with you to identify specific episodes or concepts we could emphasize in the training. See how that lands as helpful rather than critical. You're focusing on the work, not the people, and you're positioning yourself as a partner in making it better. Wanna try crafting one example using this structure? 

[00:06:29] Matt Abrahams: You know, Coach Matt, that's a great structure one I really like and I love your advice and I'm gonna take care of the practice in a little bit. But I'd really like your advice on one more thing. When I sit down with the chat bot to type in some questions, can you gimme a suggestion for a good question that I could ask to test to see if it really does know its communication advice? 

[00:06:50] Coach Matt: Here's what I'd suggest. Ask it something that requires it to synthesize multiple concepts and apply them to a real scenario. Something like, I'm about to give a presentation to senior executives who seem skeptical about my proposal. I'm feeling anxious and I only have two minutes to make my case. What's your advice? This question is perfect because it tests whether the chat bot can recognize the anxiety component and offer practical tools. A good response should touch on managing nerves using a clear structure like problem, solution, benefit, and maybe even audience focused language. If it just gives generic advice or misses those layers, you'll know there's work to do. What do you think? Does that feel like it would give you a good read on whether Chat Matt really gets it?

[00:07:33] Matt Abrahams: I think that would be great. I think it would give me a very good read, and I'm very impressed by your detailed answer. Thanks so much for that, and do me a favor. Give me a goodbye that I can share with other people. How would you close out our conversation? 

[00:07:47] Coach Matt: I'm gonna create a card for you with that goodbye, so you can easily share it. There you go. And thank you for catching that I used what, so what, now what, in my feedback, that's exactly the kind of awareness that's going to serve you well. You're more ready than you think you are. Good luck with Chat Matt. 

[00:08:03] Matt Abrahams: Thank you very much, and that goodbye message is fantastic. We've now heard helpful advice from Coach Matt. Let's switch to the keyboard and have a typed conversation with Chat Matt. Since many of you are listening on the go and not watching, we've used a text to voice tool so you can hear what Chat Matt typed back to us.

[00:08:26] Chat Matt, I'm about to give a presentation to senior executives who seem skeptical about my proposal. I'm feeling anxious and I only have two minutes to make my case. What's your advice? 

[00:08:37] Chat Matt: First, I want to thank you for sharing a really important and common concern, feeling anxious before addressing a skeptical high stakes audience. Let's jump right in. If you only have two minutes, my advice is to set very clear boundaries for yourself and your message from the start. Think about what your bottom line is. What's the one thing you want those senior executives to remember or walk away with? You don't have time to tell them everything. Instead, focus on delivering your high level overview as succinctly and clearly as possible. Now, let's talk anxiety. What I'm really hearing you say is that the stakes feel high, and that's totally normal. In fact, upwards of 85% of people feel nervous in these sorts of situations. Here's what I recommend. Before you present, do something to help you be more present oriented. For example, take a short walk, listen to a favorite song, or even more practically, if you're pressed for time, take a few deep breaths.

[00:09:37] These techniques help manage your symptoms of anxiety, allowing you to focus on your message rather than your nerves. When you get up there, start by setting expectations. For example, you might say, I'm really excited to share my proposal. I'd like to take just two minutes to outline the key points, and then I welcome your questions. This approach signals confidence, controls the flow, and sets respectful boundaries with a skeptical audience. And finally, remember, you don't need to answer every question in advance, but you should anticipate the toughest ones. Take some time to reflect on the questions you're likely to get and practice your answers. This preparation not only builds confidence, but also ensures you're ready if the conversation shifts quickly. So here's my summary. Clarify your main point. Set clear boundaries. Use presence techniques to tame anxiety and anticipate questions. You've got this and I'm excited for you to make your case. 

[00:10:42] Matt Abrahams: Thanks, Chat Matt. Your advice about my approach is very good, but I don't feel like you gave me insight into how to craft my proposal in a short amount of time. Without a strong proposal, I'll be in trouble. Can you please provide a bit more advice on how I can be more clear and compelling in my two minutes I have for my proposal? 

[00:11:03] Chat Matt: Thank you for that question, and I really appreciate your honesty and drive to get this right under time pressure. So let's jump right in. When you've only got a couple of minutes to craft and deliver your proposal, clarity and focus are absolutely essential. Here's what I'd recommend based on my experience and the insights from our guests. First, start by clearly understanding the mission or priorities of the person or group you're making the request to. That's your North star. If you're not speaking directly to what matters to them, it's game over before you begin. Second, in your two minutes, you'll want to map out these core ingredients. State the big problem. Briefly outline the larger problem or opportunity you want to be part of solving. This helps your audience see the significance right away. Narrow your focus. Zero in on the specific piece of that problem you, and only you, are uniquely positioned to address. Show the opportunity. Clearly convey that this sub problem hasn't been solved yet, but you have the insight or approach to tackle it.

[00:12:11] Present concrete actions. Boil your approach down to three to five crisp action steps. You don't need all the details, just the highlights that demonstrate you've thought this through. Paint the future state. End with a quick summary of what things will look like once you succeed. What's the positive future you're proposing? And remember, because attention is our most precious commodity, parachuting in with an engaging start, a provocative question, a vivid statistic, or a quick story can make all the difference in those opening seconds. So if I were to summarize for you, focus on concision, relevance, and precision. Think, what's their mission? What's the big problem? How do I and my approach uniquely fit? What will I do? What does success look like? Hit those beats and you'll make your two minutes count. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to clarify, and I wish you the best of luck with your proposal. Let's get you set up for that future state of success. 

[00:13:18] Matt Abrahams: A big thank you to both Coach Matt and Chat Matt. Every time I work with either of them, I'm amazed at what is possible with AI technology. I hope you learn something from our coaching session about giving feedback and asking insightful questions. Now it's your turn. I invite you to try out Coach Matt and Chat Matt on our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community. You can sign up at fastersmarter.io/learning.